Your Words So Well Rehearsed
by Marc Antony
Summary: After Edward leaves, Bella is placed in a mental hospital. AU
1. The Unit

_**Author's Note: **__I have some ideas about where this is going and I have the next couple chapters ready, but I wanted to see how you would evaluate my writing in case I need to improve on the grammar or characterization._

**i.**

They don't allow shoelaces on the unit. Or pencils. Or underwire. Or anything, really, anything used without supervision.

The packets that are handed out are ripped apart because staples are a hazard as well. The stupid, pointless packets offering no new information. The sharp, weak staples so easily separated.

And then there's Bella. All cold and alone and broken in a way she never thought possible. And why wouldn't they turn on the damn heat? With all the money coming from the community's taxes, you'd think a bit more of it would go to insulating the hospital. But, no. It was rainy, just like every other day. It was so proverbial.

They call it the "Adolescent Mental Health Unit" and there's a uniform. An unflattering, baggy piece of junk - a sorry excuse for a dress code. The letter's printed on the front are "BH," standing for "Behavioral Health."

It's all a bunch of groups and Bella doesn't believe they serve any real purpose, in the end. It's just to pass time...to occupy the minds of the patients..._"the inmates"_, she mumbled dryly to herself. They sit in a circle and talk about their feelings and it's so damn typical. They share their stories and Bella doesn't believe her's is any of their business, so she's silent. She knows she'll have to start talking or she'll end up on the other side - the adult side, the permanent side, but she can't bring herself to care. A mental hospital? Really?

She vaguely reflects on how Charlie had sent her here, at the advice of an anonymous caller. But she knew who called her in. She just didn't see why Charlie should listen to him.

A certain vampire expressed concern. He figured that if he couldn't keep an eye on her, the hospital was the next best thing. And Carlisle wasn't there either, so she couldn't really think up a good escape plan.

"Isabella," a voice calls her out of her thoughts.

"It's Bella," she snaps back, rolling her eyes, her mind still far from the subject at hand.

"_Bella_, it's your turn."

The owner of the voice looks annoyed, as if she expects the patients to actually pay attention to each other, or just in general.

"Yeah, pass," she waves her hand nonchalantly, eager to return to the confines of her mind.

"Not this time."

"What?" Now Bella's annoyed.

"What is one achievement you've made in the time you've been here?"

Bella thinks. She thinks because nothing is coming to mind and she doesn't think she's really improved on anything in her time here. In fact, she feels she's only gotten worse. She'd never been a social butterfly, but the lack of socialization in the hospital was enough to drive anyone mad. They weren't supposed to talk outside of the preordained groups and Bella thinks "_That's a stupid rule._"

But she knows that, for now, she should tell the woman what she wants to hear.

"I've learned that my life is worth more than what other's put in to me."

She doesn't believe it, but she says it anyway. Without Edward, her life meant nothing.

The woman nods approvingly and Bella counts down the last ten minutes before group is over, knowing full well that another was to come.

---

Bella goes to bed tired, even though she knows she can't sleep. If she stays up, she'll have to think some more and nurses and orderlies might ask her questions that she doesn't feel like answering.

There is no rest for the wicked, and there is no rest for the hopelessly in love.

She wonders. 'Why did Edward leave me?' and 'Was I not good enough for him?" She muses and questions, but never really accepts. He's gone...and it doesn't make any sense.

How could he love her one minute and reject her the next? How could he leave after claiming to care. Was she that disgusting?

And Charlie. Why couldn't he trust her to be safe? Granted, she's given him no reason to, but that's just logic and logic has no place in insanity.

She doesn't like being locked up - _confined_. It's a damn tired act and it's only meant for psychos and serial killers.

She may be depressed, but she has every reason to be.

She can't escape him...even in dreams.

---

"Bella, wake up."

The words are pointless - she could never truly sleep. Not without him. She just awoke screaming and crying and the nurses were constantly checking on her, being as someone was screaming bloody murder. But it was just Bella. Alone, confined, empty.

She figures she'll have to start at least pretending to be making progress, or she'd be left here longer.

It's a game and she intends to come out on top.

"Yeah," she responds, pretending to wipe the sleep from her eyes.

Breakfast is eggs and bacon. She gets to pick, but she has no appetite. They always check the trays to make sure the food is consumed, probably because of those with eating disorders, but they probably are also making sure no one is too depressed to eat. Bella doesn't want to, but she stuffs the fork between her lips and slowly eats her breakfast, gagging inwardly. Hospital food isn't bad, per se, definitely not as bad as people claim it is, but it's food all the same and it's the last thing she wants.

She's slowly drifting in to insanity. At least that's what the psychiatrist tells the uppers. Bella wouldn't buy it for one minute, but they keep that information from their patients.

---

Bella feels claustrophobic. It's a 16x16 cell and that's not enough space. She needs high ceilings.

Some days, all she wants to do is curl up in a ball and die. She knows she's being melodramatic, but she can't bring herself to care.

---

Days go by and no matter how much she fakes it, the hospital staff isn't buying it. They're probably used to patients trying to weasel their way out. They're used to the liar and the hypocrites and Bella is a statistic, not an individual.

She wonders if they just collect patients for the money.

They're making an honest attempt to help, but she doesn't need their sympathy. She needs Edward.

---

Charlie comes to visit two weeks later. He couldn't bring himself to come earlier. He doesn't want to see her like this. He knows she'll guilt him and he's never been able to resist his little girl. He wants to give her everything, but he knows she's beyond his help. He can't save her.

"Hey, Bells. How ya holdin' up?"

She just glares at him, hurt in her eyes.

"Look, I know you're upset, but I'm doing this _for you_. To _help_ you. Your mom's worried, your friends are worried, I'm worried..."

"I'd be fine if I was just out of here," she cuts in.

"That's a lie and you and I both know it," Charlie responds. It's not so difficult to speak the truth now. He had to help her, he had to make her see how ridiculous she was being.

"You don't know what it's like," Bella shoots back without thinking.

"You don't think I ever felt depressed after your mom left? You don't think it hurt? I'm not a superhero, Bells. Your dad bleeds too."

She never thought she would hear those kinds of words out of his mouth. Happy-go-lucky Charlie? Honest, sensitive Charlie? Awkward Charlie? Feeling depressed? Feeling how she felt?

She couldn't believe it, she couldn't wrap her mind around it.

"They didn't send you here."

"I wasn't making attempts to harm myself. To kill myself."

"Yeah, well," Bella's voice trails off, not really knowing what to say, and not caring either. She needed to make him see that she was hurting more by being locked up than she would taking the risks she had before..._living_...seeing him.

They sat silent for a while.

"I should probably go," Charlie rubs the back of his neck with his right hand. "Keep your chin up."

He reaches out for an awkward hug, but Bella rejects it.

"Okay," he says, walking out.

---

She longs for the sickeningly cute things Edward would say to her. Longs for the cliches and the romance and the obsession. Longs for the tender kisses and his soft lips.

And she thinks of Jacob. She knew he wanted more than she could give. She knew that he was the one thing keeping her human. The one thing she needed to make her life _right_. But that would mean letting go of Edward and she couldn't bring herself to do that. Not yet and, most likely, not ever. She knew Edward would come back. He had to.


	2. Secrets and Strength

_Author's Note: A bit of a shorter chapter. I am absolutely gob smacked at the number of subscribers the first chapter brought. So thank you. This chapter is a bit shorter, but you'll learn more about her conversations with the psychiatrist in the next chapter._

**ii.**

Days pass. She stops counting because it only depresses her knowing she's been unnecessarily gone for longer than anyone needs. She stops counting because every day without Edward is a struggle and, maybe if she stopped thinking about him, maybe then it wouldn't hurt so bad.

She still dreams. She still screams.

Charlie rarely comes because it never ends on good terms and Bella's holding an unfair grudge, but she doesn't care. It hurts him, but he tries not to care. She gets it from her dad.

The sight and sound and scent and touch and taste of Edward haunts her..._consumes_ her. He is the light and the fire and the passion burning within her. He is all of that and he is none of that. But she's put him on a pedestal and he's never going down.

She's eating more. She's talking more.

The nurses and doctors practically toast to her progress, despite the fact that it's all an act. They should know. If they really thought about and cared about their patients, they would know.

She guilts them without really admitting to it or acting on it publicly, but she thinks about it all the time. And she thinks that maybe she won't feel better back home. Maybe this is home. Maybe you can run from your problems, but they eventually catch up to you anyway. Always.

One day, Charlie brought her a notebook.

She was grateful even if she didn't show it. She needed to tell someone, but no one in her life was worthy of her trust. And sure, writing isn't exactly private because what if somebody _finds_ it and holds it against her. She knew blackmail. She had seen it. And she didn't want to be on the receiving end.

She decided to use it anyway. It was a gift from Charlie and she owed him a bit of happiness after all he had been through...all she had put him through. She hated that she had to hurt everyone around her just to stabilize herself.

She was strong, but Edward had become her crutch. Without him, she was left a blubbering fool enchanted by something no one believed she could know anything about. How could she, at the age of seventeen, possibly be in love? No one questioned her, but she knew what they all were thinking. She knew that behind the forced smiles and formalities, they thought she was a foolish little girl stuck in her stupid little world, and that she brought the pain upon herself.

And she believed it.

And sometimes she feared Edward would never come back.

---

She was slowly descenting into insanity. She still didn't see it, but it was in her eyes. The lack of luster, the refusal to shed any more tears, the shaking and screaming, the scraping at her skin, the anxiety, the delusions, the paranoia, everything.

The doctors were at their wit's end. They couldn't get anywhere with her, couldn't get anything out of her.

She had begun to fight against the doctors - refusing to take her meds and even lashing out to the extent of needing restraints.

She had reached a new low. She was in a hole and she kept digging.

And Edward still wasn't there to save her. He had left her - _alone _and_ unprotected_, just like the vampire, Laurent, had said.

Bella had never made herself out to be a damsel, but she had somehow become so weak and powerless. A strong girl broken by a decision that wasn't hers to make.

_I'm not crazy I'm not crazy I'm not crazy Edward will come for me_

It was a mantra, but she wasn't sure even she believed it anymore.

She pushed herself harder, desperate to recover...to bounce back. She tried to picture a happy life without Edward, but her attempts were fruitless. Whenever anyone questioned her, she simply responded, "he'll come for me."

The doctors and nurses had finally realized that there was no way to get through to her, no way to penetrate the stubborn mind. But it was their job and they needed to do something.

So they put her in solitary, out of fear that she would harm herself or others. The grew tired of the restraints and they realized they needed to break her and then mold her back in to an acceptable shape, an acceptable being. It didn't matter what personal cost it came at to her, it mattered because they needed to do their damn job and stop trying to please all the patients.

Bella certainly wasn't the most dangerous or the most unstable or the most anything - she was quite average. But "average" in a mental unit is not prepared for the outside world.

Usually, stays were short, but it was discussed whether or not they should send her to a mixed unit, where adults and adolescents were thrown together. Bella was seventeen, and she wasn't relating to the younger children. In fact, she wasn't relating to anyone. The closest thing she had to an understanding, helpful being was the hospital's psychiatrist.

For some reason, she trusted him. He listened. Even though he was paid for it, he had an aura of general empathy. He worked with the adults as well, but Bella was his prize.

Everything was the same and yet it was not. Hiding her secrets never made them go away.


	3. Therapy Sessions

_**Author's Note: **__Wow wow wow, I'm so sorry I haven't updated in…how long? No excuse at all. I'm still surprised at how many of you like this story, because it was more of a healing process for me after I got out of the unit. I'm pleased with how it's turning out though and I can only hope that, after the hiatus, I can still continue to suck you in. That said, here's chapter three._

Bella began anticipating her appointments with the shrink, actually excited to see him. Excited to impress him with how well she was doing.

"So, Bella…" the psychiatrist began, by now knowing her preferred name. "How are you today?"

She bit her lip, wanting to be honest but afraid to be. "I've been better," she decided on finally.

"And when have you been better?"She laughed, wasn't it obvious?

"When I had Edward," she said simply.

He sighed, they couldn't get past this stage of desperation. She refused to move on because she was stuck on something she could no longer control and she desired that control, he could sense it.

"You can't ruminate on that.""Why not?" she asked, defiantly. She wasn't trying to be difficult (or maybe she was), she just wanted to know what part of "need" they didn't understand.

"It's not healthy," he responded, calmly.

She hated and loved how he never got worked up. Everything was simple and pure and numb with him and it was the opposite of her, yet they didn't clash.

"Have you ever been in love?" she inquired.

He held up his ring finger. "Happily married."

"Then you should know!" her eyebrows furrowed, exasperated. She knew she had him.

Or…not?

"What I have with my wife is different than what you have with this…Edward. I love my wife, but I would not be lost without her. She does not 'complete' me because I am whole without her. I don't like who I am without her, but I would not die and I would certainly not end up here."

"Oh so you think you're better than me?" her desperation had turned to anger. _Who did he think he was?_

"Did I say that?""Did you mean to say that?""Do you always answer questions with questions?" he laughed.

"Do you," she could feel a smile creep on to her lips, despite her pissed off-ness.

"Look, doc, I know you're trying to help but you don't _understand_ and you're making that abundantly clear so, if we're done," she picked up the sheets he had laid before her.

"Did I say we were done?" he asked, amused.

She was half way up, but collapsed back in the chair. "No."

"Bella, I want to hear more about this Edward."

She smiled, reminiscing. "He's perfect," she remembered being a "spider monkey," she remembered meeting his family for the first time, she remembered Alice, she remembered prom, she even remembered Rosalie.

"No one is perfect," the doctor almost said, but stopped himself. As much as he believed it, she wouldn't.

"He…he is the first person I felt actually _loved _me. I mean, I know I have Charlie, but look where Charlie put me! He's trying to change me, to form me into something _he_ can love."

"I don't think that's what he's doing, Bella," the psychiatrist sighed.

She ignored him. "Edward wouldn't try to change me! Edward loves me as is, no questions asked. No fucking…demeanor he doesn't like. No habit he wants to rid me of." _Except my desire to be turned_, she thought_,_ but moved on. "He loves me."

_At least he did._

"_Bella, what you have isn't love," the doctor ran his fingers through his hair. "It's obsession."_

_Bella was done listening, she got up and slammed her fists down on his desk. "You don't know what it is," she hissed. "And you never will because you don't listen!"_

"_And you do?" he asked._

_She had had it. She went for his face, nails out, and began scratching and scratching and she didn't stop until her hands were restrained and a needle was stuck into her ass and everything went dark._


	4. Rehab

**Author's Note**: _And again with the not updating. I'll try to be more regular now that school's starting and I'll spend a lot of time at the library with high speed internet. I have multiple versions of the last chapter written and I kind of preferred the first version, but live and learn. Anyway, this chapter will hopefully be more suited to your liking._

Bella felt that she was in some sick form of rehab. She was clawing at her skin and screaming at the walls and the doctors just watched like she was some kind of animal. Some form of entertainment for their twisted minds. She played off of it, because what else could she do? She refused to see the psychiatrist today, which usually wouldn't matter – she'd have to go anyway. For some reason, though, maybe; apprehension, fear, or just plain understanding; the doctor allowed her to remain in her room for the day. No groups, no physical, nothing. She refused to eat as well and was treated as an anorexic with the way the other patients examined her and even the nurses were beginning to question whether or not depression was the only thing at play here.

Confined, she had nothing to do but lay in bed, close her eyes, and try to wish herself away. That's when he came.

"Bella," the voice was barely above a whisper.

She looked up to see Edward. This wasn't possible.

"Why'd you leave me?" she glared daggers straight through him. "Why?"

"I had to," he responded, his voice a bit more audible. "For your protection."She scoffed. "My protection? Look where I am now, Edward, doesn't get much more protective than this!"

He sighed. "I'm not sorry."

"I didn't expect you would be. All you care about is yourself and convincing me that you cared, but leaving me behind when you very well know I was strong enough to come with. Or do you still think I'm some weak, vulnerable human?"

Bella was angry now. "Do you think I'm just an average slut girl? Do you think I'm scum? Is that what you think?"Edward's eyes widened, his voice noticeably exasperated. "I had to," he repeated. "It's not safe."

She was screaming now. "I just want to be with you! Let me be with you! Don't make me stay here!" Tears were trickling down her cheeks.

"It's just not possible," he replied.

"Why?" she shouted. "Tell me why!"

"Isabella, what's wrong?" she heard an orderly exclaim.

"Edward, Edward," Bella mumbled.

"No, there is no Edward."

"Edward," Bella continued and the nurse shook her lightly.

"It's not real," she said.

And that hurt more than anything. Bella snapped out of it and wrapped her arms around her knees and cradled her head in her hands. "Why?"

"I don't know, hun," it was obvious the nurse didn't know what to say.

_How did she get hired again?_ Bella thought to herself.

"Do you want something to eat?"

"No."

Bella felt completely drained and sick. If she even attempted to eat, it would just regurgitate into the toilet. Except even the toilet rooms are locked, so it would probably end up on her bed or floor. Just the thought was embarrassing.

"I'm going to get the doctor."

Bella didn't even have it in her to protest.

The doctor entered the room in his usual garb. Khaki trousers and a white shirt with a brown overcoat. He was scruffy instead of his usual clean-shaven self and his eyes looked tired, aging him beyond his years. Bella imagined he had been on call, not actually working and she had disrupted his _precious_ personal time. She laughed inwardly at that. _Good, because they're disrupting my life._

"So Bella, I heard there was an incident not so long ago.""You could call it that," she shrugged, still disappointed that it hadn't been Edward actually come to see her.

"Look, Bella, there's something I need to tell you."

**Author's Note: **_Cliffhanger and you will be very surprised next chapter._


	5. The Therapist Revealed

**Author's Note: **_So you will have to make some assumptions here. The first of which being that Bella has NOT met the characters in this chapter that she does not recognize. I know this is confusing considering, being as she met associates, she should know, but I am going somewhere with this don't worry._

Bella was still annoyed after their previous encounter and could tell he was just trying to draw her in with some form of interest, but she wasn't buying it. Alas, what does she have to lose?

"Look, Bella…" the doctor swallowed, closing his eyes as he did so. "I…" he was drumming his fingers on his desk, eventually finding a beat he could stick with.

"What?" she asked, desperate for him to just get it over with so she could wallow in her self-pity.

"My name is Jasper Hale."

"And…" she waited for him to continue.

"I know Edward." He was searching her eyes. The air in the room was she was intrigued. He was probably lying. It was probably another tactic to convince her that Edward wasn't worth it. He was probably going to tell her that Edward had lost interest and moved on. He was probably going to tell her that Edward had never loved her. She braced herself for the lies to come.

"How do you know him?" she quirked up.

"He's my brother."

Bella furrowed her brow. What an interesting claim to make especially considering they look nothing alike. Wouldn't it have been wiser to claim to be a friend? Bella laughed at how pathetic "Jasper Hale" was.

"Yeah, yeah," she waved her hand dismissively. Then she remembered something. Rosalie's last name was Hale and she was adopted by Carlisle, which is why they looked nothing alike. So, if he was telling the truth, what was he doing here?

"Why are you here?" she asked, finally.

"Edward asked me to be here for you while he was away." Jasper was still tapping his fingers and playing with a loose piece of paper from her file, still not quite sure what to make of Bella's reaction.

"What do you mean 'away'?" she grew excited. "Is he coming back?"

Jasper frowned. "I can't tell you that."

"Why?" she asked for the hundredth time that day.

"Because…" he started, "because I don't know."

"Is it Edward's fault I'm here?" she asked timidly. "Was he the one who called?"

Bella was shocked at the response. "No."

"Then who did?"

"That's for you to find out," Jasper smirked.

Bella's vision went blurry as she tried to take it all in. "How did you convince them you were a licensed psychiatrist?"

"I have my ways."Bella chortled.

"Okay, okay, Carlisle had connections," he admitted.

Jasper cracked his fingers and exhaled slowly.

"Don't do that," Bella said passively.

"What?"

"Crack your knuckles. It gives me chills."

"Ah, an instinctive reaction. Sorry, matter of habit."

Bella tucked a stray hair behind her ear. Meanwhile. Jasper ruffled his own hair. Amazing how, when faced with an uncomfortable situation, your hair becomes extremely interesting. Anything does, actually.

"So how is he?""Who? Edward?""Naturally.""That was a daft question, I admit," Jasper laughed.

"So…_Dr. _Hale, how is he?" she stressed the _doctor_, still amused.

"He's managing as well as ever. He can hold his own."

"Why aren't you with him?" she inquired.

"I already told you, he wanted me to watch after you," he explained.

"Why weren't you there before? At the Cullens?"

"I was on a hunt. And I was away, trying to learn how to not be so attracted to human blood. Learning to control myself."

"So are you…a vampire?" she wrinkled her nose and furrowed her brow.

"Yes," he replied simply.

"Can you smell my blood?""Yes, but it isn't nearly as daunting as Edward's opinion of it."

"Do you want to eat me?" she teased.

Jasper laughed. "Yes, I want to devour your soul."

Bella forced a smile, a bit relieved knowing Edward cared enough to leave someone behind.

"So…paperwork if you ever want to get out of here," Jasper stated.

Bella reached over for the pen and picked up the sheet of paper, and that's when she slit her finger.

Jasper licked his lips, trying to control himself. "Leave!" he demanded. "Just leave."

She stood up, upset that she couldn't fill out the forms for discharge, but knew it was probably best if she wanted to keep her blood and life.

She took one last glance at Jasper Hale before turning to knob on the door. She was surprised they used knobs for some reason. Every other entrance was opened by pushing after swiping a card. _I guess this is for quick escapes, _she thought.

Jasper was still watching her, small droplets of drool escaping his mouth. "Please," he pleaded and Bella left, shutting the door tightly behind her. She wasn't so much afraid of Jasper as she was afraid of how Edward would feel if she allowed Jasper to attack her.

When Bella thought of Edward, she thought of everything except him cheating on her. No, he loved her too much. She thought of his golden eyes and tousled hair. She thought of his cold, pale skin that felt so contrasted against her. She thought of the way he kissed her with such passion and hunger. She thought of how she kissed him back and it was always him. It will always be him.


End file.
